


breaking bones before breakfast

by Vilyavantar (bloodynoldor)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: College AU, M/M, Phasma is the bff everyone needs in their life, aggression problems, room mates from hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-19 09:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5963044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodynoldor/pseuds/Vilyavantar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So, let me get this straight”, said Phasma. “You are pissed at Kylo for his entire existence, except when he brings you coffee. You do not see each other very much, because he has actually a social life, while you hide in your studies and work, and yet you think about him a lot. Ren in the meantime is trying to impress you. He started washing his dishes! He also brings you breakfast and … seriously? He's showing off his trophies from the night before on Sunday mornings?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	breaking bones before breakfast

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Thunderhel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thunderhel/gifts).



> Dear Thunderhel, 
> 
> obviously I have decided to go with your second prompt.  
> I apologise for the length of this work, it just kinda happened, and also for the fact that those two are the most idiotic idiots I ever had the misfortune to deal with. I almost appointed Phasma with a surprise visit to kick their lazy asses because I was so done with this fic, but they figured out a way to avoid this. I am proud of them. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this :)
> 
> Prompt 2. Modern AU. My new roommate is terrible but also kind of hot.  
> Any rating is fine.

The loud bass fell silent within seconds, a door banged, loud steps hastened through the hall and another door fell violently into the lock. Hux sighed in relieve. Finally! It was exactly 8:34 pm, which was seven and a half minutes later than usual, so he had almost feared that Ren would not go out tonight, which would have been awful for Hux' learning schedule. Words just didn't stick in his mind if there was this loud disaster of what his room mate called music in the neighbouring room.  
  
Hux got up from his desk where he had been sitting and suffering for the past half an hour, walking through the silence of the apartment to the kitchen. A look into the refrigerator reminded him, that there were barely enough edible things left to make it to Monday morning. At least if Ren would continue his habit of bringing breakfast when he returned the next morning, but Hux did not worry about that. If there was one thing to rely on, besides that Ren never did his chores, it was that he returned from his night out with breakfast.  
  
He was not exactly sure where Ren spent those nights – and he was sure he did not want to know. The first time when Kylo returned on a Sunday morning at seven with breakfast and coffee, black for Hux, and something undrinkable polluted by unhealthy amounts sugar and milk for Ren, Hux had stared.  
  
Not only due to the surprise of a seemingly wide awake Kylo at this time of the day while he wasn't able to communicate properly before 10 am on any other days of the week, but also because of the countless bruises and red marks that showed under the wide collar of Kylo's shirt and on his arms. Hux didn't even have to ask the question, the questioning look on his face was enough for Kylo to answer with a wide grin and a shrug. In this moment, he had decided it was none of his business, and he was better off not even to think about it for his own mind's sake.  
  
It did not quite work out, as every now and then, Hux could not bring himself not to care. He opened the cupboard a little more force than necessary to pick up some noodles he could cook for dinner, maybe combine them with whatever leftovers there were in the fridge, fry them with onions and add cheese or something, before he put them into a pot on the oven. Cooking. Preparing meals. Eating. What a waste of time, and yet it was necessary for him as a human being in order to function. But then again – he did not have to like it, he just had to do it, and it gave him the energy to work through the most important things of this week's lectures without interruptions.  
  
He violently cut some vegetables, maybe too violently, remembering that his best and probably only friend Phasma had warned him that Ren was a rather exhausting room mate when she moved out of town for her new job, but the place was cheap and basically next to Campus, and after a family with eight children had moved into the flat above his old one, it seemed a good alternative. Still, Kylo was not the easiest person to live with, and sometimes Hux had the feeling that he only shared this place with others so there was at least someone to wash the dishes and clean the common rooms from time to time, because there was few evidence that the owner of this place was actually able to do that. Yet Hux had arranged himself with the situation, and he realised that Ren was not such a bad person to live with after all – especially as he left the house often, and if he felt like trying to blow of the house's roof by playing his awful music there was always the library as an alternative for Hux.  
  
While having an eye on the frying the vegetables in the pan and the noodles slowly becoming edible, Hux gaze fell on the pile of dirty plates and pots that was slowly growing in the sink. He would have to do that sooner or later, as he knew that Kylo wouldn't bother and instead start ordering meals when the pile grew too high and the cupboards were empty. Hux put his food in a bowl and placed the now empty pan and pot next to the pile of other dishes, and retreated to his chamber. Many nights he spent under the weak light of his desk's lamp, skimming through his notes, learning them by heart. There was no sound to be heard, except for the faint noise of cars on the road in front of the house and the occasional humming of the fridge. It was almost perfect for studying, and the perfect silence calmed his mind, while the endless texts left a good impression behind, burning into his memory as he highlighted the most important things and took notes of those in which he had to take a deeper look when he went to the library the next time. 

  


When the front door fell into the lock with a loud bang again, Hux did not even have to look at his clock to know it was too fucking early. He did not have to question who would be the intruder at this night time, he knew perfectly well who it was. Hux did not care that he should not do, what he was about to do, there were things as a good night's sleep and it was a fucking Sunday morning, so there was no way to let Kylo get away with it. Even if the neighbours would complain later, it was not his bloody fault. Someone had to teach that idiot how to close a door without waking the entire house. Instead, as he was, suddenly awake by the noise and the muffled screaming, not even bothering to put on some shirt, Hux stormed into the entrance area, and he had not even reached it, as he begun his talk.  
  
“Ren, there's a space and time for everything, but I swear to all you hold dear, if once again you feel the need to make such a noise at this ti-”, he stopped. The hall had seemed to be empty, Ren was nowhere on eye level to be seen. Hux scanned the room, murmuring something like “it's definitely too early for this shit” under his breath as he found Ren sunken next too the door, not particularly good looking – or in other words: worse than on a Monday morning, which was in all honesty quite an achievement.  
  
The state of Ren's shirt was questionable, the first few buttons were ripped open, there was dirt and blood everywhere, though the wounds were not fresh and there was nothing dripping on the floor. At least this is something Hux wouldn't need to clean up later. Blood was … annoying as he knew that from experience.  
  
Then he saw those eyes. Ren usually looked either as if he did not care about the world around him or (on Sunday mornings, usually two hours later than it was) in some weird reflection of happiness, but now there was only a blank state, wide reddened eyes that stared unbelievingly at Hux. "So… you here to kick me some more? To tell me how worthless I am as a person?” A cruel parody of a smile formed on Ren's lips, as he stared into Hux eyes, who needed a moment to take in the whole situation. And it made him angry. Somewhat, under the layers of being constantly being pissed at Ren and his own emotional shield, Hux felt a small flame of rage burning, wanting to get out to pay back whoever did this to Ren. He extinguished it without further thought, this was none of Hux' business.  
  
He shrugged. “I guess that is not necessary – I prefer you to be able to kick back, and currently you're in no state to do that!” He was surprised that he could form an elaborate answer at this time of the day. “Anything broken?”  
  
This time the grin in Ren's face seemed more honest, there was a spark in his eyes, gleaming at Hux. “Nah, only some random guy's nose, but he deserved it.” Hux did not question this change of mood, he did not care, did not want to care at all.  
  
He sighed, but refrained from commenting. “Go, get up, take a shower, and wash away all that filth. I'll go and get breakfast.”

  


The injuries on Kylo's body were not as bad as they had looked like, but worse than usual, if his usual state of body on a Sunday morning was normal. Kylo had for once done something smart and refrained from putting on anything else than his underpants so the softened tissue could not leave any bloody stains on his clothes.  
“So, you're going to let me tend your wounds or do you want to have something in your stomach before?”, asked Hux matter of factly, placing the bag of sandwiches on the small kitchen table and placed the paper cups of coffee right next to it.  
“Wounds first – reduces the risk of having to clean up the flat again”, answered Ren, ignoring that he would not do anything himself anyway, so Hux went to fetch the bandages. Surprisingly, they were well equipped. Or probably less surprisingly, as Ren obviously had a life style that included using them quite often.  
“Well then, let's see!”  
The wounds were really not that big nor deep, no danger itself, and still Hux took his time to disinfect every single one of them, painfully slowly, enjoying the mostly small but incidentally louder whines that came out of Ren's mouth. He deserved it.  
Maybe Hux enjoyed it too, touching the hard muscles of Ren's body, having him at his mercy. It would be so easy, to… No, Hux was not that cruel. And this was certainly not a situation to use his control over the other man to gain benefit from it. Still, the little whines were amusing, and almost more interesting than the pained expression on Ren's face.  
They sat in silence, mentally preparing for the conversation that had to follow sooner or later, considering questions and answers, and whatever in between, maybe even mentally preparing for things they did not actually want to know. 

  


“So, breakfast. Was it that bad?”, asked Hux as he put the last bandage around Kylo's knuckles that were red of blood and it seemed likely that he had hit a wall with his bare hand. Obviously the wall had won their little fight.  
  
“Honestly? More painful than getting those injuries in the first place!”  
  
Hux snickered. “Then maybe you consider this the next time you get yourself beaten up or beat up people who hit back or whatever you did last night.” There was a moment of silence, Hux questioning if he had any right to ask, but he decided that when he had to get up at this ungodly time of the day, he had every damn right to know what brought him into this situation. “So, what happened?”  
  
Kylo shrugged, and chewed his sandwich extra slowly for a while before he answered. “I lost control”, was the short answer Hux did not expect.  
  
“How?”  
  
“It's a long story”, answered Kylo, and tried to avoid any visual contact.  
  
“I do believe that after everything I went through this morning, it is my right to know what was going on.”, answered Hux with a weak grin, but his eyes told clearly that he was still pissed at Ren.  
  
Kylo stared at him for a moment, but nodded. “When we are finished eating. I have the strong need to lay down – my back is killing me right now.” 

  


The living room was the one room Hux rarely used as it was small and the main attraction of it was the TV opposite a huge couch. He did not watch TV, and he avoided Ren whenever possible, so there was no reason for him to spend time here. He let himself fall into the armchair, watching how Ren stumbled to the couch and lay down on his side slowly, the pain showing in his face with every movement. It was the most entertaining thing Hux had seen the entire month. It took a while until Ren seemed pleased with his position and stopped moving around. Hux took it as a sign. “So, will you tell me what brought you into this – situation?”  
  
“You won't leave me a choice, will you?” asked Ren curiously.  
  
Hux just stared at him. He was not a fan of unnecessary communication, so Ren could do the maths himself.  
  
Ren sighed. “The eh- relevant part begins a few months ago”, he begun hesitantly. “There was a concert of a band whose name I do not remember. I don't even remember how I ended up there” He laughed dryly. “Which says a lot about my state of mind back then, actually. Anyway, the music was bad, really bad, probably on my list of the five worst concerts I've ever been to. But there was alcohol at the bar and so I stayed and drank and talked to people and … I got to know someone. We fucked on the toilet. It was rough and brutal and-”  
  
Hux shot him a glance of which he believed that it could kill people eventually.  
  
“Okay, no further details!”, Ren grinned. “I loved it. He gave me his number afterwards, but I did not believe I would call. Turned out that the next week was easier for me. Less aggression. More mentally stable, and it worked for one and a half weeks until stuff went back to normal. It took me a while to figure out what was going on, what had made me a halfway functioning human again, so I remembered that number I had almost forgotten, and I called. And we met up, and we fucked.”  
  
Hux grimaced due to the vulgar choice of words, but Ren ignored him.  
  
“It became a regular thing, you know? I'll spare you the details, but you've seen me on Sunday mornings. It's not that I was attached or in love, but a part of me needed those meetings. I needed to vent my emotions, so other people would not be affected. For him it was mostly fun, though. I think he had fun at hitting people up without getting any problems with the police. And he enjoyed sticking his...” Ren paused as he noticed Hux' glare. His room mate seemed to know exactly what he was about to say.  
  
“Anyway, yesterday… did not go too well.” It was amazing, how cool and distanced Ren's voice sounded, and even his face showed no sign of emotion. “Thing is, if you know someone long enough, it does not matter if you talk. You get to know each other's weaknesses, so it is easy to hurt if you want to. It had to happen, there was no way this could end well on long term.”  
  
For a while Hux stared at Ren, searching for any sign of emotion, but there was nothing. “So, what are you going to do?”, he asked, because somehow he could not comprehend that Ren would just let it slip away and live on as if this never had happened.  
  
“Nothing. Well, not much. Live on my life I guess? I mean, what am I supposed to do? It's not like I haven't been asking for this to happen. Literally, verbally.”  
Hux shook his head. “You...”  
  
“In this moment? Yes, I did.” Ren hissed as he tried to move a little. “Though I do regret my actions - it is really uncomfortable when every movement hurt like hell!”  
  
Hux hand found its way against his forehead, destroying his improvised hair style. He did not say anything. He did not know what to say about this. Ren was surely one of the weirdest people he ever had the displeasure of knowing.

  


The Sunday had ended less exceptional than it had begun – around midday Hux had to leave their apartment to work through a few exercises at the library, which took him a few hours. He brought pizza when he returned in the evening, but he was too taken by his studies to have a deeper conversation with Ren. He was not even sure if he wanted to.  
  
Then Monday morning came around and they did not see much of each other for the rest of the week. Both were taken by their own studies, and the only thing that changed was that Ren tried to be more sociable. There was no music at inhuman times (like on Tuesday, when Hux was usually woken up at 7 am even though his lectures did not start until 10), and for once there were smaller piles of dishes in the kitchen sink.  
  
There was not much time to lay back and think about the events, as the semester came to an end and the exams drew closer, so everyone was quite lost in their studies, panicking, trying to shove everything they ignored during the semester into their heads within a few days or procrastinating the hell out of it.  
  
And though Hux was one of those who did always keep up with everything they had to do, he always worked on being the best in any exams, so he studied even more intensely, and only returned home when he couldn't keep his eyes open for much longer or needed to shower. But still, in those few silent moments when he was not thinking about his exams or how annoying the masses of people at campus were, when he was crossing the streets or when he was waiting in line for his food, his thoughts wandered off into areas, he forbid himself to go to. 

  


It was on Friday night, when he paid the price for his lack of concentration. There was a material arts class he was taking to compensate for his mostly intellectual work at university.  
This one was not much different from any class he had taken before – he was as usual one of the best of the class, mostly due to his perfect control of his body and his mind. It was easy for him to see through his opponent's intention, and he was able to stop any of his actions in parts of a second when he noticed that his opponent would not be able to block, reducing the damage he would cause greatly. If he had tried, he would probably be able to take part in international championships, but whenever his coach approached him and asked about this subject, he had refused. This was for him, and no one else, a personal challenge, as Hux called it.  
  
Hux was – as usual – instructed to work with one of the newbies to instruct them and to try out a few punches and blocks. They were always a little challenging, as they had usually no complete control over their actions and were not as certain about the rules as those who had trained with them for a few months.  
  
His opponent was one of the more bratty sort, one of those who overestimate themselves and believe that just because they had seen a few training sessions, they were the best of them all. A boy, maybe in his early twenties, but Hux did not care enough to actually bother about this. And as it was in the nature of this kind of opponent, he begun to test himself, intensifying the strength of his punches, challenging Hux to block them.  
  
Hux managed this situation with ease, and started his own offensive. He did not try very hard, always holding back to give his opponent the possibility to back down when necessary, or to do so himself when he noticed that he might hurt anyone.  
  
Everything went as usual, or as well as it could usually go – until there was this pressure in his head, as if Hux was being watched, and in the corner of his eye seemed to be a movement, brown eyes watching him, familiar brown eyes he had never consciously looked at, and still he felt like they were there. Then his hand collided with something soft and warm, and it was followed by a scream of pain and Hux' opponent went down, while Hux stared in shock for one moment, trying to comprehend what had happened. It was obvious, of course, and he cursed himself, before he asked his former opponent if he was okay.  
  
There was no serious damage done, but still Hux excused himself for the rest of the evening and went home, claiming he did not feel too well that night, which was not even close to a lie as he had wished.

  


The next day was a relatively unproductive library day. Hux realised that it was completely useless to stare at a blank page for hours, trying to write a paper that was due in two weeks, so he left in the early evening and went home, trying to calm his thoughts. It was harder than one would believe, but there was again some awful noise coming out of Ren's room, and … something else. Was Ren trying to sing or what was going on in there? Hux took a deep breath, and decided to block this noise as good as he could by listening to his own music via headphones, though he hated the feeling of them and the fact that he was no longer able to hear anything from his surroundings.  
  
He awoke three hours later, when his digital alarm clock showed it was already 9 pm from the rumbling in his stomach. Clearly food was his main objective, if he wanted or not, so he decided to get up and make something. Hux was not surprised that the music was off, it was late enough for Ren to be already gone. However, when he left his room, there was the faint noise of voices combined with background music from the rarely used living room that made him curious.  
  
Indeed it was Ren who way laying on the couch like he owned it (what he did, strictly speaking!). When Hux stood in the doorway, looking curiously and not entirely silent, Ren turned around, just a little to catch his gaze, and he smiled. Kylo Ren smiled for reasons that were far beyond Hux' personal understanding, and it made him nervous.  
  
“If you're hungry – there are leftovers in the fridge, quite edible for my own cooking. You can warm them up if you want!”, said Ren with a warm voice that irritated Hux even more. He nodded, murmured some version of “thank you” under his breath and retreated to the kitchen, where he found indeed some not too bad looking fried potatoes. Considering his possibilities and the fact, that his stomach was still annoying, he put the plate into the microwave. A pan would probably maximise the taste, but right now he did not care enough to do anything that meant work.  
  
While the microwave hummed quietly, Hux leaned back against the kitchen table, watching the slow rotation of his meal. He had always considered himself to be good with problems, perfectly able to ignore those thoughts that slipped into his head until they disappeared again. He was able to solve any issues by himself, and normally it was easy. But Ren? He had raised from an infrequent annoyance to a constant occupation of his thoughts, and it confused Hux enough to make him punch other people's faces.  
  
He took a deep breath. So, what now? Ignore it? Confrontation? The beeping of the microwave took the decision from him, and he decided – well that confrontation could not make anything worse, right?  
  
So he went back to the living room, exchanged a look with Ren who was intelligent enough to understand that yes, he should take his feet off the couch. There was some sort of unspoken communication going on, and Hux was sure that he only understood half of it. Hux sat down next to Ren, and begun eating while he mostly ignored the mindless shooting on TV.  
  
“Not bad”, he declared after a minute or two of silence between them, pointing at the food  
  
“Would be better if you hadn't used the damn microwave – I estimated your level of civilisation higher!”, Ren shot back, slight amusement in his voice.  
  
Hux grunted. “Was hungry, no time to heat the pan and prepare everything. My stomach would have killed me!”  
  
“Have you even eaten anything before this today?” Was that concern in Ren's voice?  
  
Hux shrugged. “A slice of bread in the morning. Oh, and two pieces of chocolate at the library, to be polite” He shoved another fork filled with potatoes into his mouth. “Don't look at me like that, it's not like I had the opportunity to eat anything else!”  
  
Ren did not have an answer for this, he just stared at Hux for another moment, before he turned the attention back to the TV. 

  


Hux finished his meal and put the plate on the small table in front of them. “So, not going out today?”, he asked the question that had stayed on his mind for a while.  
  
Ren shrugged. “Not really in the mood to go, really. I mean I thought about it, and everything, but… I don't know. It feels wrong. Why? Want me to go?”  
  
There was no clear answer to this question on Hux' mind. “I don't know”, he answered honestly. “I wouldn't stop you if you went.”  
  
“But…?”  
  
“I wouldn't patch you up tomorrow morning if you'd come back in a state as bad as last week. No nerves for this on a Sunday morning.” Hux grinned brightly. Again, there was silence between them, neither of them knowing what to say, what to talk about. This seemed to be their longest conversation since they shared these rooms, or the most personal at least. But the mutual silence did not feel awkward, maybe for the first time they spent together, and so they both continued to watch this really stupid action movie, that was filled with contents neither of them really cared about.  
  
Hux made himself comfortable, rolling himself together by pulling his legs to his chest, mostly due to the fact that his feet were too cool on the floor. It was a small couch, merely broad enough for two people to sit down next to each other had to be said in Hux' defence, so finding a comfortable position in which his feet were not on the floor, his legs did not go numb, and he was not entering Ren's personal space proved to be harder than he expected. Ren seemed to watch for a while with a raising level of amusement, before he grinned at Hux and pointed at his shoulder. “Come on, you don't look really comfortable at whatever you are doing there”, he pointed out and pulled Hux' shoulders into this position.  
  
Hux was … tense. He was not used to this level of human contact, and it took him a while to get used to it, until he was able to relax so close to another person. He could not remember the last time that happened, he must have been to young to have any conscious memories of back then. It was surprisingly comfy, once Hux got used to the bony thing that was generally referred to as Ren's shoulder and decided to let his feet hang over the arm rest, as his legs were not too long to hang a few centimetres in the air over the floor. He did not know how long it took, but at some point there was a hand in his hair, softly trying to caress it until Ren decided that it had no sense to fight Hux' quite excessive use of styling gel that glued every hair into its place and made any fight of this a lost one. Hux did not know if Ren really knew what he was doing, who he was sitting here with, that they were bitching at each other at any chance they met, but he would surely not complain about the warm hand caressing his neck, but lean into the touch, enjoying the moments of silence with a smile on his face while it grew even easier to ignore the TV in the background. 

  


Of course they were not talking about that, though it seemed that Ren tried now even harder to become a likeable human being. When he woke up the next morning, there was (of course) breakfast and coffee, still fresh and brought by Ren, who did not seem to be as cheerful as usual, but not exactly in a bad mood either. It was an almost friendly atmosphere, and were there not the exams coming up, Hux would have thought about staying at home or asking Ren to do something together, but work was calling and he had fallen back far enough due to his lack of progress he had allowed himself on the day before. Surprisingly, everything went fine. Hux' thoughts were where they belonged, in his text books and copies, not in his flat a few minutes away with Ren. He appreciated that thoroughly.  
  
The Sunday was followed by Monday and with it came the last week of lectures for the semester, which was a great relief for his time table as it was mostly used for conclusions and preparations for the exams that followed, and surprisingly Hux found some time to relax during that week, for the first time, because there was not much more to study, nothing to conclude, just a few more definitions he had to get into his brain, but that was nothing that took him more than an hour a day. The situation with Ren was… under control, more than it always had been, though Hux was still the one to clean the bathroom and any other rooms regularly, but he believed that this was a matter of personal taste, and Ren never seemed like a person to clean anything by his own free will, though the dish situation had improved somewhat.  
  
When they met, they did mostly short exchanges about their day, their week, how their studies went – the general stuff, nothing to deep, and none of them really felt the need to talk about the situation. Both of them went their own way, preparing for the exams as good as they could, though now it was Kylo who was rarely at home and hopefully, Hux allowed himself to think, at the library, studying.  
  
The week went by, Ren had vanished for the entire Saturday, wherever he went, you do not care, Hux told himself, but showed up on Sunday morning with a bag of sandwiches and coffee. Of course he did, there was no way this would not happen, and he had returned to his cheerful mood that left no question for Hux to ask, though he was properly dressed this time and there was no way of telling about details. He convinced himself that he did not care.  
  
“So, do you have any plans for the holidays?”, asked Ren as they sat at the kitchen table, both enjoying their meal and the fact that they were up at this rather early time to start a day.  
  
Hux shrugged. “Not really – I have a job, so I'll probably stay here and have not much time to go anywhere anyway.”  
  
“No family visits? Travels? Studying?”  
  
He snorted. “Believe me, if there's one thing I am not going to do, it's family visits.”  
  
“That bad?” Was his imagination going blind or was there really the sound of sympathy in Ren's voice?  
  
“Bad is one of the greatest euphemisms that come to my mind.”  
  
There was awkward silence, for a moment or two, until Ren spoke again. “So we're stuck here together then.”  
  
A small smile formed on Hux' face. “Looks like it, yes!” 

  


Exams came and went, Ren took up his habit of using Saturday nights for his personal entertainment again, and not even once forgot to bring breakfast on a Sunday morning, nor did he come back in any state that required Hux' assistance. Superficially it seemed like everything went as usual, that nothing has changed during the last few weeks, and yet Hux felt the changes in himself. He had never been one to have close relationships or friendships, his love life had been non-existent for his entire life on this planet, and if he had ever felt any raising interest in anyone, he was good at ignoring them until it went away. The only exception from this rule was Phasma, who had been there for his entire life and was more of a sibling than an actual friend, and yet even their relationship was cool, and their conversation were more discussions of recent topics than any personal talk. He liked it that way, no too close relationships, not getting too close to anyone so they would not have any weapons to use against him, if it came to such a situation. He might have been too ambitious for his own good.  
  
Those things considered, it was really not a surprise when he skype-called Phasma to talk about the subject of Kylo Ren, that she looked at him surprised and had to laugh really hard, which was not a common sight.“So, let me get this straight”, said Phasma. “You are pissed at Kylo for his entire existence, except when he brings you coffee. You do not see each other very much, because he has actually a social life, while you hide in your studies and work, and yet you think about him a lot. Ren in the meantime is trying to impress you. He started washing his dishes! He also brings you breakfast and … seriously? He's showing off his trophies from the night before on Sunday mornings?”  
  
She giggled. “Let me tell you this: He did none of those things while I lived with him. I think he's trying to impress you!” Hux gasped and opened his mouth to say something, but she did not let him interrupt. “And he is frustrated because he's not getting any reaction from you, because you have zero experience with those things, and especially not with his lack of social skills, while you are trying hard not to get yourself caught by him, to maintain your distance.”  
  
It made sense, Hux noticed, considering human beings were not always making sense, and were mostly just stupid. “So, any advice what to do in the future, oh omniscient Phasma, Master of human interactions?”, he joked, and she starred at him for a while.  
  
“Two possibilities”, she explained. “One: Act like you don't know, like you never noticed. It may go away after a while. Two: Do anything. Go after him. Flirt back, as good as you can. Show your appreciation, or whatever that small heart of yours is feeling, and ...” she paused for a moment, struggling to find the right words. “Be sure about your decision before you do anything, Ren might be an asshole room mate, but he is not a bad person.”  
  
“Thank you!”, he said, his head swirling with all the information, that was clearly too much for him to take in. 

  


But before Hux could do anything, take any action or even decide for a course, there was a small note that popped up in his mail box. Four words, without any subject or signature, and he did not even have to read the sender to know where it was coming from. Though he believed he had distanced himself far enough from this matter, it was like the ground was pulled away from under his feet, and he was really lucky that it was indeed a Friday night that he read that mail, because he felt like all of his energy was suddenly drained from him, and all he could do was to sit on his bed, unable to stand up for anything more than his body's needs like water and a toilet, and he did his best to avoid any life forms, including Ren, who was rarely at home those days, so it was probably luck for him, that he could spend the next days uninterrupted, curled up on his bed, his thoughts spinning, while he stared at the message from his father. 

_Your mother is dead._

No personal note, just a matter of factly written message, meant to inform him of the events, on a white page. More than once Hux clicked on reply, wanting to ask of the circumstances, but he couldn't find the words for it, and more importantly he could not simply after five years without contact answer back to his father, whom he had sworn to avoid any contact the moment he left his home for good. So he did not answer, and the message kept blinking on his computer screen until it went to energy saving mode. And Hux felt cold. Not sad, or emotionally affected, but cold and empty, even more than he usually did, which made it hard for him to hide from himself. Sure, he was not emotional towards others, but he was even less emotional for himself, as he had learned how to fake an honest laugh or a smile or a sympathetic glance in order to fit in at least somewhat.  
He needed time for himself. 

  


And yet, Sunday morning came along, and with it the return of Ren from his nightly escapades. Hux prayed to whomever that no, there was no way that Ren would be worried about their first ever forgotten breakfast because of course he was awake, sleeping is not exactly easy when you're having a minor existential crisis. He just did not want to see anyone. To suffer alone in the darkness of his room. He could hear every step that Ren took, noticed the raising nervousness and how he walked from one place in the kitchen to the other, back, into his room, back to the kitchen …  
  
It went on like this until exactly 9:13, when everything Hux had prayed to forsook him, and the door opened, leaving a fine ray of light into the room. “You there?”, Ren asked, sounding strangely worried and Hux felt like he had never experienced anything more confusing.He could not bring himself to answer with more than an unarticulated tone.  
  
“Can I turn on the light?” Another question, another answer that could have meant anything, but Ren did not exactly see this as a problem, and found the light switch blindly. After Hux had negated another question (“do you want to talk about it?”, a stupid question, there was no one on this planet he wanted to talk to about anything right now), Ren had sighed and sat down next to the bed, and Hux could feel that he stared at him, even though he was looking into the opposite direction.  
  
“You look shitty!”, Ren said after a while, and though Hux could surely sense the strategy behind that, he did not stop himself from answering.  
  
“You should look at yourself!”, he murmured, without even turning around. But even in his state in which he wished no one to see him, he had not lost his sense of hiding those parts of him that affected others.  
  
Ren sighed, and there was a noise of falling hair so he seemed to shake his head. “Get up, Hux! Take a shower, there's food and cold coffee in the kitchen and I'll leave you alone after that.”  
  
“Hmmmpf!”  
  
“I'll leave you alone now, but if you haven't gotten up in ten minutes… I might be tempted to empty a bucket of water over your head to get your hair clean.” 

  


Of course Hux dragged himself into a shower, though he told himself that it was only a human necessity and he did definitely not do this due to Ren's inquiries. He had to get up at some point after all, and if it was to avoid a draining mattress, this was a good timing. The shower helped him surprisingly well to order his thoughts again and let him almost look like a sane human being when he slipped back into his clothes, almost presentable, though the dark shadows under his eyes were hopefully to be ignored.  
Hux left the bathroom and was pleasantly surprised by how good Ren seemingly knew him. There was breakfast on the kitchen table, but Ren was nowhere to be seen. There were noises from the living room, and Hux was almost certain that Ren was sitting on the couch, watching TV while he waited for him to come over on his own, when he was ready for… whatever it was.  
  
When Hux entered the living room, it almost felt like a Deja-vu, Ren sitting there watching an awful movie that no one really could care about, spread over the couch, the exchange of glances, Ren sitting down like a normal person.And for the first time this day, Hux actually looked at Ren. He did it quite often, actually, mostly of the corner of the eye, sometimes when he thought that Ren was not looking before he realised that he was staring.  
  
“You look really shitty today!”, was the first thing that left Hux mouth after he had sat down on the couch, unpacking his sandwich. “Do I want to ask what you did last night?”  
  
“If you want to know you should ask”, answered Ren. “Though of course I cannot guarantee that it is an answer you would like to hear.”  
  
There was silence in which Hux ate the entire half of the sandwich in seconds, realising how hungry he had been. “Then let me put it that way – is there any specific reason that you have a black eye? As far as I know, you never let your nightly adventures get too close to your face when they are about to cause damage. So, what happened?”  
  
“Well, obviously he got close enough to my face to cause damage.”  
  
Hux shot him a “you don't say”-glance that was usually reserved for the most stupid of his group members in work groups at university who did not manage to understand simple facts and asked easy questions three hours into their work.  
  
“Well, I changed my mind on the wrong person. Turns out that not everyone is good at being turned down. I think I broke his nose and at least one rib.” Ren grinned proudly. “So really, this is nothing. And I broke his nose first so… yeah, kinda my own fault!”  
  
There was a thin line between laughing hystherically and crying, and Hux was not entirely sure if he could keep the balance. At least he was not the only psycho in this room. “So generally speaking you're okay, even though you did a stupid thing, but since you do stupid things all the time it's no big deal?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“You're an idiot, and I you can be glad that I'm not Phasma because she would probably punch you in the face.” Hux was faintly amused. “She would also tell you that you are an idiot because you spend your weekends out, sleeping around, punching people in the face to deal with your problems.”  
  
“You talked to her?”  
  
Hux shrugged. “She is a good friend of mine, of course we talk. A lot, actually!”  
  
“And what problems does she analyse me with?”  
  
“The inability to deal with emotions? Though I do believe she says this about everyone, I wouldn't worry too much about that” Hux, suddenly realising that there was still a cup of coffee for him, grabbed it, took a sip and almost spilled it all over the couch. “Ew, cold!”, he exclaimed.  
  
“Ah, yes, she said that every now and then”, Ren admitted. “Maybe your coffee would be drinkable, if you had actually drunken it when it was still warm. Like … two hours ago? What kept you in that miserable state anyway?”  
  
“My personal inability to deal with emotions?”, Hux suggested. “Though I have usually better ways to handle my problems.”  
  
“Want to talk?”  
  
“Nah. Talking doesn't change things. 't just makes them more real, and doesn't help to forget them.” They sat there for another while, both paying more or less attention to the tv. There was nothing interesting going on.  
  
“You know”, said Ren after while, “I actually do believe that I have a good way of dealing with my emotions without causing too much damage.”  
  
“Let me conclude this to you: You come home with a black eye, and say you have broken someone's nose and rib, but you're telling me you have a good way of dealing with your emotions without causing too much damage?”, Hux stared at him, incapable of understanding the logic behind this. “It does not look healthy to me!”  
  
Ren shrugged. “At least people I care about”, his dark eyes locked with Hux' own, “do not have to deal with myself.”  
  
Hux sighed. This was not what he signed up for when he got up an hour ago. “But you are aware that those other people you're taking your rage off in are also human and have their own lives?”  
  
“They're assholes!”, Ren answered confidently but seemed to shrink under Hux' piercing gaze. “What, would you rather want me to take it out on you?”  
  
There was silence, for longer than expected, a treacherous gleam in Hux' eyes – Hux must have become mad, except that he had asked himself this question before, and he answer had unsettled him more than expected. “You really think you'd stand a chance against me?”, he asked finally, and there was a provocative grin on his face.  
  
Ren had not expected such an answer, obviously, otherwise he would not have fallen into some kind of paralysis while he stared at Hux, and his brain was visibly working. “So you're telling me that you believe you'd win in a fight against me?”  
  
Hux shrugged. “I'm just telling you that I am certain I would not lose.” It was not even arrogance or fake confidence that was speaking out of him, only the experience, years of training and the fact that Ren still did not seem to be able to protect his face, had there been alcohol involved or not.  
  
“We will see...”, said Ren, dramatically striking his chin, looking more irritated than he should be. 

  


Hux had went to bed early that night, and slept extraordinarily well, so, when he got up the next morning, he felt actually relaxed and ready for work, and there was no visible sign of him having had the worst 32 hours of his life on this weekend. He smiled at his co-workers, even engaged in social interaction, and if he had kept more than his casual relationships with them, they would probably have asked him if he was in love or something, because he had become one of those disgustingly happy people over night, even though he could not put his finger on what had changed.  
  
When he came home in the evening, Ren was nowhere to be seen, and though some part of him wanted to speak with him and craved his attention, Hux decided that it would probably be nice to talk to Phasma again, updating her on the situation and receiving a virtual head butt for being and idiot. “So let me get this straight”, she asked after Hux had finished his report on the current situation, of the events of the last few weeks and especially the last morning, “you two agreed to punch the hell out of each other when Kylo needs it so you don't have to see his poor little face injured again?”  
  
“I wouldn't phrase it that way, but… yes, that's basically it.”  
  
Though Hux could not see anything amusing in this, Phasma laughed out loud, while her flat hand met her forehead, and she looked far more amused than she should have been. “So you're considering to literally hit each other even though you both have obviously … hit on each other before?”  
  
This was the moment in which Hux regretted that touch sensors on computers had yet to be invented, because he felt the serious need to punch Phasma, who seemed to be in an extraordinarily and by that scaringly good mood today. “We don't-”, he tried, but she would hear nothing of it.  
  
“You are. If you want to believe it or not, but even I can see it, and I don't even have as much contact with Ren as I have with you!”  
  
Hux sighed. “You said so before.” No I know or anything, just acceptance.  
  
“So you're not denying it?”  
  
“Would you believe me if I did?”  
  
She chuckled, which confused Hux even more. “You know I am right. And sooner or later you will open your pretty little mouth about that, because you cannot stop looking at Ren with this knowledge. And now excuse me, my date is waiting!”  
  
“Date?” That explained everything.  
  
“Yeah, my co-worker. I asked her, she said yes, and we're going out tonight!” She did ignore Hux' opening mouth, and spoke on. “So excuse me, I have to get dressed. But you should get your head out of your ass and talk to Ren, because if he should decide to use me as his emotional garbage can too, I cannot guarantee for your safety any more.” By that he saw a keyboard closing in, the screen went black and the connection was separated.Hux lent back in his chair. Bloody beautiful. How was she his best friend again? Hux was happy to have her, and he was certainly happy that she had a date, but sometimes… she was direct. Which was annoying, to say the least, but probably the reason he kept her around.

  


Ren came home with two Pizzas, unannounced of course, and Hux found himself with Ren in the living room, and while Ren occupied the entire couch, Hux tried to make himself as comfortable as possible in the arm chair, which meant that his legs were hanging in the air on one side.  
  
“So, what's this about?”, he asked, making a gesture in the direction of the pizza.  
  
“Hmmmm?” Ren was shoving a piece in his mouth, making disgusting noises.  
  
Hux sighed, taking the first slice out of the box. “You never brought Pizza without asking before. One might come to the assumption that you are trying to impress me!” This was clearly Phasma talking out of him, the aftermath of their short conversation.  
  
“Well, are you?” There was clearly a spark in his eyes, and Hux was not sure how to interpret that one.  
  
“You're trying. You know, it would be easier if you just … I don't know, asked me out?” Hux took a bite of his Pizza to hide his grin as he saw the shock on Ren's face.  
“Am I that obvious?”  
  
“To Phasma you are, and all she got were my complaints about you, so… probably.” He shrugged, amazed by Phasmas obvious observation skills.  
“And what do you think of this?”  
  
“I could say that I am not uninterested.”  
  
“But?”  
  
Hux grinned. “Convince me that it is worth to be interested!” Because even now he was not able to say he was, although some of his inner parts (the part of his brain he usually ignored) screamed about getting closer to Ren. He didn't.  
  
It was Ren who got up, moving closer, still balancing that box of Pizza in his hand, and sat down on Hux' lap. 

  


“Ugh, no! Get up, you're heavy and I haven't finished eating!”

**Author's Note:**

> also, this is probably the longest thing I've ever written. 
> 
>  
> 
> [ visit my tumblr](run-kylo.tumblr.com)


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